I understand social media being what it is…. that people are going to be social… but please note that your postings, your feeds pop up on other people’s pages.. and sometimes those feeds come with information the other people were not ready for.. like tonight i have people posting about Walking Dead… i haven’t seen it, cannot watch it right now… so i do NOT want to see hat is happening every five fucking minutes!!!!!!
Siri audioblog four.
First off, it needs to be said, my car smells like something died. Maybe, it should be said, something died under it. Growing up where I did in Medford that was a distinct possibility. It happened frequently. In colder months cats would climb up into car engines where it was typically warm from the car previously being on. What would happen though is said animal fall asleep inside the engine or still be huddled there later but somebody would come out to to the car and the fan blade would pretty much put an end to the animal. I speak from experience in this matter just happened to two of my cats’ little kittens. I liked them very much. The third lived and we nicknamed him Punker because of the mangled tail any interesting colors he had said. That cat later ended up belonging to a cop down the street he picked up as a stray. I remember thinking, as I was his paperboy at the time, that is it wrong and he had my cat when it was… well… mine. But, the cat had no tags, wandered the streets pretty much all over the place, and probably got better care with him that would have in my home; we had too many cats.
Okay, that being said, I love Logan. Logan is the one thing in this world that I can often look at and he makes me happy. Even at the worst times when he is at his most frustrating or his most aggravating he brings me happiness. He was the one thing I didn’t know I could not live without until I had him. It sounds odd to say this being married and all and having a second child but Logan truly is the first part of all of my joy. I love Beth and there is no question about that. There are times that I am sure Beth does not like me very much even though she loves me. There are times I’m sure Logan does not like me very much even though he loves. And I joke that I love him but don’t always like him it is true still is that first part of everything that makes me joyous. There are very few words that can accurately describe my feelings about that subject.
I know that the love of a husband-and-wife is different than the husband and a child or father and the child just as I know that brothers and sisters love with another differently than they do their parents or loved ones for their wives and husbands whatever. I guess I just wanted to be known that there’s nothing in this world that will ever take that feeling away. Divorces happen. I am not saying that Beth and I are going to get divorced. I am not even thinking that. But they do happen. Unless the parent is a complete douche bag, or something is wrong with them upstairs, the love of their child continues even when the love of their spouse does not. This is all I’m trying to really say. Today, Logan and I played on the Wii, went for breakfast, into the store, he helped me do laundry, and we chatted while mommy napped. We talked about dreams, which talked about school, and we talked about we games. He told me he loved me and he told me he missed his blue balloon. Now, you should know, the blue balloon was an accidental loss yesterday when mommy opened up the back door and it flew away because she didn’t know that it wasn’t tied down. That part was my fault. I did not communicate to her that it was just floating in the back. Logan saw it and got so upset you’d thought that we kicked his favorite dog. I remember as a child having very similar feelings to losing balloons. So I told Logan yesterday that his balloon was being sent up to the Angels as a gift and that they would grant him good dreams because of his generosity. Today I asked him how his dreams were and he said they were good so I told him that that was because of the balloon. He looked at me with amazement and the smile but shook his head and said his blue balloon went into the clouds. I tried to say Angels liver the clouds. The look I got was kind of priceless as if he was trying to think of a way anything could possibly live in a cloud. Sometimes he is so like me and that he over-think so many things he ponders he investigates he tries to discover the fact about anything you tell him. It is very difficult to tell him something that isn’t true because he will attempt to find out if you’re Right or not. At the same time he has the same ability that I do to imagine vast experiences, scenes, beings that aren’t there or were never there, whatever. He seems to open his mind to great and wonderful ideas. He has a wonderful imagination and very deep thoughts.
I guess all I really wanted to say this time around was that my thoughts were on my boy. I miss the times that I don’t get to see him don’t get to play with him and hope that he misses me at the same time. I hope, that in time, he understands I took the shift for the betterment of our family. I hope that we get more snow. I would like to take him sledding. I would like to get him outside Much much more this spring. Out of the backyard, out in the reservations, around the Emerald necklace. I want to explore, to walk, to run with him. All of this and more
Done shopping. What a freaking nightmare. I was surprised by the amount of people in the store at noon on Thursday. Accosted by a man who was not “all there”. He grew extremely irate that I was thumbing through shirts he apparently claimed from across the store. Imagine this late 50′s or 60′s gentleman (used loosely) shaking his arthritic hand at me yelling at me (near a foot taller than he) for thumbing through shirts 3 times too big for him. Had i not been worried he was armed or otherwise.. Dangerous… it might have been funny. I did nothing to him nor said anything bad back to him I just maintained my unmoving position and allowed the store management to see to him.
I think what bothered me the most about my meeting yesterday was the suggestion that for a couple of bucks I could go and buy a couple pairs of shirts, a couple pairs of khakis, the couple ties. The idea that I can’t afford or don’t have the ability or something I don’t know. I question the khakis comment as khakis tend to be a light color and I’m wondering if they have a problem with the fact that I wear mostly dark or black. So the pants that I bought are darker gray and I might have bought a light color I don’t really remember. I am in the middle of a weight flux and so my size is not what I would like it to be. It is smaller than it used to be but larger than it was five years ago. Because of this my options are limited. So I picked the two pairs of pants that seemed the least offensive to my brain, though as I just telling Beth, I nearly picked out the most gaudy pair of pants and shirt and tie with the idea that it was still technically business attire.
I have decided, for the moment, I am going to keep the hair and keep The beard, and keep my piercings the way they are. I have contemplated the idea of putting in studs instead of the rings. I will keep the beard trimmed more neatly. That is not a problem because I like it more manageable anyway. The hair will have to wait and see on how they begin to react to other people with long hair as well.
I am not averse to having short hair. I’ve had it before, I think I look fairly good with it, and it is extremely easy to maintain. It is simply a matter of that my personal preference is to have my hair long, that is how I function best, it is who I identified with.
Siri blogs too. This morning I took the boys to daycare, had a nice breakfast, and watched “The following”. After taking Beth to work I discovered I did not have my wallet on me. Very little frustrates me as much as being out close to where I wanted to go only to discover I don’t have My fucking wallet on me. Now I end up going back home, get the wallet, and head back out more frustrated than I was before
I already do not want to go shopping, though it seems I have to, for more work clothes. It would seem that I am a disgrace to my workplace. Okay, those are not the words that were used but it certainly feels as such. I apparently do not know how to dress myself. I tend to wear white socks with my black shoes. Good Lord. I can’t believe that my job could possibly hinge on such a stupid moronic absolutely idiotic idea as white socks with black shoes. Maybe I should say that my religion is Michael Jacksonism and that in order to accomplish this I much adorn myself in the whites over my ankles.
One of my coworkers has a medical condition causing him to wear specific socks but not common business appropriate colors. His desk has been moved out of the line of sight of a manager because she doesn’t like looking at these inappropriate socks. How stupid. I have, for long time, kept with an Einsteinian approach to certain things. I’d like to have multiple copies of certain shirts or pants in order to make less decisions when it comes to clothing for work. I do not like work clothes. I am not a fan of business attire.
I do not have an issue with business casual attire. I feel that it adds to one’s appearance and can make certain people look very dashing. I do have a problem with having to wear shirts and socks of specific colors, certain ties; certain shirts; certain pants when nobody ever sees me. They see me walk into a building where lawyers work and as such I am associated with them. If the people making these rules could see how some of the lawyers dress at night or on the weekends I wonder if that would make any difference at all. In the end none of this matters, I am a big boy, I can pull up my big boy panties, and do what is needed. The idea that they also are looking at me to possibly want me to shave get a haircut and remove some of my piercings is another matter entirely. I was hired looking the way I look, having this hair, having a beard, having all of these piercings. There should be no way for them to suddenly change this. But it is a big company, they are a privately owned company and they can make whatever rules they so desire as they have been doing for the last few months.
I realize most of this comes across the simple whining, complaining, or just out right bitching about something that is beyond my control. People do things all the time that they don’t want to do for a job. I am no different. I will do what I always have done whatever I need to make things work for my family. It is one of the few lessons but I ever took to heart from my father; a man who put most of his life on hold to work six or seven days a week 12 to 14 hours a day to make sure his kids could do what they needed when they needed. I don’t have that level of dedication but my mind is in that place. I know what I need to do. And if it means saying “sir, yes sir” I will do it. I will just be muttering under my breath “Damn the man”
Walking around this firm, both Lawyers and Staff alike (females of course), wear a lot of skirts and very lovely long leather boots. Especially in winter but on any given day, especially if I get in before 4, I hear and see so many lovely sites stepping by 
First mobile entry. I am driving to work, using Siri, and trying to capture my thoughts for the first time mobile in effort to have a more consistent and more thorough blog.
I am wondering if perhaps I could get more data down in my blog since when I am driving is when I do my best thinking and more often than not I forget everything that I wanted to write by the time I get to work, or home, or wherever I planned to write.
I have been thinking about the lottery. I look at this lottery where it is $40 million to start. I look at some of these clearinghouse lotteries and scratch and play lotteries that offer $1000 or $2000 a week for life. I found myself thinking many times in the past years that even if you want a lottery that paid $5000 a week for life and actually paid for life that it would take you 160 years to equal the starting number for the Powerball of $40 million over 30.
It almost seems to me as though this would be in the lottery commissions greater interest to run more lotteries that offered that level of prices rather then single lotteries that pay out the way they do. After all, who that plays the lottery could not use $5000 a week for life. After taxes you’re still looking at $3000-3600 depending.
I know that I personally if I were getting $3500 a week every week my life would be considerably better as would my families’ and all of my debt would be down or gone in 2-3 months. Obviously, the house, and any new cars, would be a recurring debt for a short while. But even the house would be paid off or Payable in a short time. I can see the idea of getting the money quickly and the first week sending some to a personal loan. The second week ending the money over to a car loan. The third week the personal loan. The fourth week a personal loan and perhaps the mortgage. If this repeated for just two months the personal loan and both car loans would be paid off in near that entire time. The mortgage if you paid even half of that payment twice so thinking $3500 a month would be paid off in no time at all.
The biggest issue of course comes with the idea that with great money comes great spending. Sounds a bit like Peter Parker and Spider-Man, of course, but it is in fact true that you will begin to overspend when you have an overage of money like that. I cannot deny that I would immediately want to travel and see the world. But I would in fact make sure that if nothing else the personal loan that I have would be taken care of. If I focused on nothing but that for the first month that loan would be well and gone by the time the second month arrived. Then you could travel; your account if it is going directly into an account; would be credited every week (edit: though i am not sure this is how weekly lotteries actually work or if they pay off in monthly/yearly increments) and whilst you traveled all you would need is either someone you trusted to take care of the bills or a mobile device to reach in and pay your bills off.
I have spent entirely too much time thinking on this matter.
Something I have been toying with in changing the name of this blog.. but it will remain the same. Logan did take a liberty the other day whilst I was reading to him that I cannot fault him for; in my bedroom i will often lie on my stomach and allow him to jump on my back. No this is not the smartest move I have ever made but he loves it, I love the rough, and I just enjoy playing with him any way he will let me… even if it means I am the Jungle-John / Trampoline. Well in his room I was on the floor, with no give beneath me, and he did a huge jump landing his feet squarely on my lower back. I have felt severely crippled since. LOL. I know i am not but meh…
My sister and brother-in-law are in town and yesterday we and they and their two younger kids went to the Rock n Roll hall of fame. It was enjoyable. I don’t know that it was work $44 to see but it was nice all the same. I would like to take Jhen there some day… as we’ve been suggesting for.. ages.
My father once told me, paraphrasing here, that the more money you make the more money you spend. I laughed and thought he was clearly wrong when i got this job at Jones Day… no way was i gonna be living paycheck to paycheck with our incomes…
2nd child, 2nd car, house, finishing up old bills, room mate, sitter costs, increase in SS tax and healthcare… yeah… my dad was right on the money.
All in all things are going well… my parents came out at the end of Dec to spend AJ’s first Christmas with us and my sister, brother-in-law and two of the kids are coming out this weekend. My house is not nearly ready for their visit but it will be nice to have them out. Logan has been doing speech therapy for some time now and is doing very well. his talking is on a whole new level now which is great.. but there are no words he says that I love hearing, that sing so specially as the words Mommy and Daddy.. even when yelled. 
Alex is coming along. he got the hang of rolling over the other day onto his belly from the back.. finally! it’d been frusting to watch him struggle. He’s been rolling from front to back since like his first or second week.. not kidding. Lay him down and almost like he was off-balance.. rolllll over! thankfully that ended.
Job is fine despite some cosmetic changes to attire and desk appearance but who can truly complain about silly things like creature comforts.. or any comfort i guess when they pay as non-suck as they do?!
though admittedly now I have better reason as between work and Logan and now Alex.. there’s not a lot of time. Sadly this also lends to there not being a lot of time for much of anything but i get by.. little help from friends, my mind, my madness, my deep dark dirty places i go to hide in my mind
Just had a belated Halloween and Logan was SOOOOOO excited to be Captain America again and again every chance he could get!
((For some reason this is not letting me load images of him… /sad))
well it’s not madness really so much as a headache that will not subside.
this night is never ending and i want it to end.. like now… like yesterday now. This is one of those nights i thought I had a million things i wanted to say and ended up not saying any of them because as the night wore on I lost track of most of it. so yeah…
FLIM FLAM